This just makes me happy. This...and the fact that I will be in Disneyland in 2 days. Holla!

Let's Talk About Buckets

OK. So...I've started and deleted and started this post a million times...just because it keeps coming out...weird...

Could be lack of sleep...could be I am not good at sharing my emotions...could be I just don't want to blog...who knows.

So the past few months of my life have been...interesting, stressful, and emotional. A friend of mine recently asked me to compare each thing in my life to buckets in a room with a leaky roof and asked me how full each bucket was. The hard thing is, trying to figure out which bucket I need to focus on so I don't explode trying to manage all of them so they don't overflow. The more I think about the analogy of the buckets, the more I think about Fantasia and Mickey Mouse and the Sorcerer's Apprentice. All the buckets that Mickey had to bring up and down the stairs and back and forth. So I'm sure we all have seen this so let's get down to the nitty gritty. Rather than Mickey taking the time to move each bucket of water on his own, slowly, he tries to use magic to get it done and just makes matters worse. Could the Sorcerer not have done that on his own anyway? Of course he could have. He could have had the brooms or whoever doing whatever with the buckets of water. But he had Mickey do it so he could work and LEARN from what he was doing. You all know what I'm getting at. Obviously Heavenly Father can fix anything in the blink of an eye. But luckily, we have the Atonement and the love of our Savior to learn ON OUR OWN and make our own decisions in determining how to live our lives. Would I like some of my leaks to be fixed so the buckets aren't so high? Of course. Would I like to be able to just fix everything on my own anyway and control the decisions of everyone involved in my buckets? Duh. But can I? Of course not. We had Stake Conference a few weeks back and a Seventy said how funny it must be for Heavenly Father seeing us SO upset about the things that we don't have or that we have in our lives when He can see how much is ahead of us and the blessings that we have in store for us.

So basically, this is me vomiting out my feelings but not really my feelings since I don't like sharing much. Basically, the buckets are full and some are overflowing, but there is hope for the future and for the blessings in store for me. BREATHE ON.

A Tennessee Christmas

Yes, yes, yes...I'm very aware of the fact that I have not blogged...ANYTHING...since my first post. Thank you to all who stayed on me to make sure that I actually added to the first, lonely post. So get ready...I'm going to try to include a few posts into one.

I've been in Tennessee since the 23rd. Well...my flight left the 22nd but thanks to the wonderful snow in Denver and our plane came from Denver, we left rather late. I'm a little bitter that Denver has stolen all of the snow this winter so far, but that's beside the point of this post. I sat next to a man who talked to me THE ENTIRE FLIGHT. Did I want to sleep and/or put in my iPod and just tune out the loud propeller sounds and dream about how I wasn't going to have to worry about work, or grocery shopping, or deciding what to eat, or gas prices, or anything about personal life for the next week and half? Of course I did. But this nice man from Nashville, Tennessee wanted to chat. REALLY wanted to chat. I mean, normally when I get on a plane, I make some small talk with the strangers next to me and then we all do our own thing. But when I went to sit down, I could tell that he just wanted to talk about some things. A bit turned into everything. He works for a plastics company that was helping to create a new ski boot production for a company in Salt Lake; he has 5 kids; he has 3 cats; he believes there is a natural remedy for everything, asthma included, and informed me on how to help cure mine. And then, we talked about it-religion. Normally, I cringe at the idea of talking with strangers on planes about religion, especially on flights bound for the south...because you're trapped. If it goes poorly? Stuck. And let's be honest, I'm not the greatest member missionary. I get all nervous that the person I'm sharing my beliefs with is going to be offended or begin to challenge in an attacking sense. But, we actually had a really great conversation for about an hour and a half about what it is to be a member of the LDS church. We were both really respectful and he responded really well! All in all, a positive and very encouraging experience. Nice to know that the Spirit gives me a push in the right direction when needed in conversations in sharing the gospel.

Yes. I have been running. A lot. Not as much while at home because this humid cold combo is pretty rough and there are a TON more hills here that I somehow forgot about, but it has been really fun to wake up early and eat my little bowl of cereal and then hit the road and make it to the part of my run that runs along the edge of the "mountain" that my parent's neighborhood is on right when the sun is coming up. It's breathtaking and I really miss it out here sometimes. Life seems so simple. There are about 10,000 people in the town of Signal Mountain, so my dad tells me, and there are small shops dotting the main highway after the one and only stoplight. It's so quiet here... I really do miss the Nascar bumper stickers and the college banners of Auburn, Ole Miss, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, and others on neighboring houses. Bowl game season can be brutal down here...that's all I'm saying...ANYWAY. On my run this morning, I ran past this house that I've always dubbed "the creepy, serial killer, cat lady house". Picture this: vines covering about 4-5 feet up the fence on the front of the house so you can't see in, huge trees surrounding this one house when the neighboring homes have a more open landscape, rusty bars on the front fence, peeling paint, dark inside-always, and a cat sitting in the window. But this morning, there was a man, early thirties I'm guessing, that came out to bring in his garbage bin. I could tell he had cerebral palsy but he was smiling like crazy when he saw me with my running pants, long sleeves, head warmer ear thingy, and gloves. So, I said good morning, and he shouted back, "HOW ARE YOU!?" And I smiled and was able to muster out a "Oh, fine. Tired, but I'm good!" and he laughed a little and told me to have a happy new year and continued back into the house. It made my morning. I don't think that I am a judger of persons based on the outside, but I judged the people inside the house based on the outside of the house. What started out as a joke first, eventually became fact in my mind...I really hope I see him again before I go.

Also while I've been home, I've come to love the temple more than ever. This is a pretty personal experience, so I'm only going to share a little bit. When I was in the temple on Tuesday, I was talking with a worker who knew my great grandpa who is probably my favorite extended family member. It was SO fun talking with him and getting to know a different side of my grandfather. Also, I sat next to a girl named....Morgan. She was getting married the next day and was really nervous and had a ton of family there with her. Also, come to find out, my parent's home teacher and his wife, great friends of our family, were there at the same time in the session before. The temple was amazing, and would have still been amazing had I not met the people that I did. But, it just makes me realize more how much the Lord loves me and really cares about His house and the people that go there and I cannot wait to go back.

And finally, it's almost a new year. I cannot WAIT for 2012. This year--has been rough, and very interesting, and eye opening. It's been complicated, hard, emotionally and physically and mentally draining, crammed with feelings of loneliness, confusion, lack of confidence, and a plethora of others. But, I've also learned a lot about myself.

1. I'm a crier. Who knew?

2. I have AMAZING friends. You know who you are.

3. Working out is the best way to get rid of my frustration for the night.

4. I have an emotional attachment to food...kind of gets rid of the other benefits of 3...

5. I love the scriptures and prayer and apostles and conference and my bishopric and ward.

6. I am much stronger than I think I am.

7. I am doing great, but I can do better.

8. I'm freaking awesome. A guy is going to be DANG lucky to have me. Yup. I said it.

You know I'm pretty private and personal, so I'm not going to get into the details of why I have those points (maybe this blog will eventually get me to be more vulnerable although I'm not sure I could handle it). I'm also not a huge believer in New Year's Resolutions. I think the new year is the perfect time to reflect on your past year and decide where you can improve, but I think it's important to have goals year round. How many times have you made New Year's Resolutions and completely forgotten about them until you look back when you are making new ones a year later? I've done that. So yes, I'm making goals. But I'm being realistic...and really just continuing what I've been doing for the past few years in constantly having and pursuing goals and making new ones. I can't wait for the new year!!!!!

And here we go.....

Alright! I did it. I officially made a blog. Not sure how I'll do or how long it will last, but decided, what the heck. Here we go.

I've officially entered the lottery for the Canyonlands Half Marathon in March in Moab. Does that mean I'm in it and going to actually run it? Nope. Just means that I might maybe possibly have a chance at being entered. I've looked up all the training schedules known to man and I'm going to try it and hope my toenails don't fall off. Here's the kicker. The race is in March. That means, all the training is done in the wonderful Utah winter. I actually like going out running in the winter all bundled up. I can't breathe...but that's beside the point. I think I'll start using this blog as a journal type blog for my attempt at training for the half marathon. 13.1 miles here I come!

So here's the first blog post. Let's see if I can keep this going! I'm off to explore the world of blogger to see if I can figure out how to create a somewhat interesting blog.